Several weeks ago an advertisement for a book, Gorge, about a woman who climbed Kilimanjaro popped into my mail box. Oh and this woman happened to weigh 300 pounds. So much of this book resonated with my core, with my story. She didn’t wait to climb Kilimanjaro until she was skinny. She didn’t wait to live until she lost weight.
I’ve done that so much of my life. Thinking I had to wait until I lost weight to do this or that. It’s nuts in a way. Because all we have is this moment. All we have is right now. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve traveled long distances at my highest weight. I’ve traveled to England and Paris alone.
I have so much to say about this incredible book, but today I want to share with you a bit about how I relate to the author in terms of food. For much of my life I was a secret eater. Nighttime snacks. In the car binges. It goes on. I didn’t want to be seen. I wanted to be alone with food. I suppose that might sound pathetic, but it’s my truth.
On a side note, people are mean. They really are. I can remember walking around the mall and having groups of older teenagers loudly taunt me, and no one stopped them. NO ONE. Now that’s pathetic. Because in their silence they condoned the bullying abusive behavior. They said it’s okay. I was younger then and much more vulnerable. It’s actually a bloody miracle that I’ve done as much as I have in life given how horribly people have treated me. And how others have allowed that to happen.
Anyways, back to food. I love food. I don’t eat perfectly and I don’t pretend to. But the difference between now and then is that if I want a “treat” I’ll eat it in public. I won’t go home and eat it with the curtains closed. Or if I have a treat at home I’ll put it on a plate and enjoy, not eat it out of the bag.
I love the taste of pumpkin. LOVE IT! When pumpkin season starts I salivate. In one part of the book Kara Richardson Whitely describes her love of pumpkin and how she’d inhale the pumpkin scones: “I’d already inhaled two iced-pumpkin scones (at almost 500 calories each) earlier that week while waiting for the barista to hand me my coffee……” She writes that as she describes how she will order an “overcooked egg circle, mashed between two cardboard pieces of flatbread” when going out to eat with her husband and daughter.
Okay, this is where I confess I’m pretty sure she’s talking about Starbucks; although she doesn’t name the store. I do like their pumpkin treats, but they are loaded with sugar, so I know IF I choose to have one I will eat one when I have time to sit down for at least ½ hour and taste each bite. That’s really the only way to do it. Otherwise the food is gone in a flash. Have you ever stopped to watch people eat at a coffee place? They’ll get their treat and then while waiting for coffee, they’ll inhale the item. It’s gone in seconds. I know. I’ve done it. And what’s the point in that? There’s no point really!
Enjoy life! Enjoy food! If that’s what you want to do. I’ve had it with tasteless food. These days if I make something tasteless or order something tasteless, I won’t eat it. No point really.
I also recognize the point where I’m not really having a craving or I should say I recognize if a craving is from an emotional place. I’ve learned to sit on my hands and wait it out, fifteen minutes at a time. Eating while emotional isn’t eating at all. It’s a form of self-abuse. Period. Obviously if you need to eat and you’re emotional, that’s something else.
As I write this I find myself craving one of my favorite home-made juices as of this moment: kale, green apple, carrot, beet and ginger. Now that’s a craving I can live with! I’m going to go make it and have it for my Saturday night dinner, and I’ll enjoy it!
Happy Saturday night y’all!
Follow me on Facebook: