I sit here in front of my computer, having made it “through the rain.” The cravings have been absolutely horrid the past few days. And I know why. The why doesn’t exist in the present. It doesn’t even exist in the past. It lives in the dark addictive reaches of my brain.
I worry about things, events, people outside myself. I live in fear of something, but what? Disappointing people? Standing up for myself? Saying no? It’s an interesting thing, if you can call it that.
I have a hard time saying no. But I’ve been getting better. I have a hard time saying no when people don’t ask, but make assumptions.
But all of that doesn’t really matter. See, sugar is smart and addictive, very addictive. It plays on the emotions, makes you think it will help you feel better. Tells you it’s always there for you. And it is, if you feel like living a long slow death. I’m not talking about literal death. I’m talking about the dullness that comes from not experiencing life. That’s what sugar does—it dulls life.
Winning the war against sugar happens one battle, one moment at a time. Sure there are setbacks but focusing on those doesn’t help. So I focus on this moment. And in this moment I resisted temptation. Just like I resisted it yesterday. I’m not going to worry about tomorrow because it’s not here yet.
Sometimes winning the battle means holding on tight and sitting on my hands for fifteen minutes at a time. I did that tonight and after an hour the worst of the urge passed and I knew then I’d made it through the rain…………….
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