I haven’t felt like writing much lately. I’m not really sure why, but I’m also sure that the why doesn’t really matter. Sometimes it takes too much effort to delve into the why. Too much time. Too much emotional energy. Just too much.
But I’m sitting here tonight writing this and thinking. I’m thinking about all the wonderful things I have in my life. I’m looking at my purple shark vacuum and remembering one May night in 2010 when my parents and I went to Sears because they wanted to buy me a vacuum that would work with the hardwood floors and the carpet in my apartment. I didn’t want them to spend that kind of money, but my dad insisted.
On both sides of my tv I see colorful Mickey Mouse prints that my dad bought for himself. I love looking at both of them. To the left of the television is the plant my friend Kara bought me after my dad died. It’s the first plant I’ve ever owned. Just never cared for plants, but this one has stayed alive and even thrived.
I can also see my yoga bag, waiting to be packed for my yoga class in the morning. Bikram yoga can be a production but it’s a worthy one. I wonder too if I’ll find it within me to stay in the moment as sweat flows down and out of every pore in my body.
I need that yoga class, body and mind. I’ve walked more miles these past couple of days than I have in a long time and I can feel a certain amount of strength and stiffness.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell the source of a funk. I’m just glad I’m out of it.
Well I’m finding my way out by remembering to keep the focus on me and my attitudes and behaviors and not looking to others or looking at others. True strength comes from within. Lasting strength comes from within. Find it there and you’ll never have to look elsewhere.
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