A couple of days ago, my brother faced a serious health crisis, the nature of still lies undetermined. He suffers from obesity and has for most of his adult life. He also enjoys drinking. A few years ago, looking for an answer to the toll weight took from his life, he had lap band surgery. His wife had gastric bypass. For awhile, the lap band surgery worked. He lost weight and became a spokesperson for the lap band surgery center.
But this story isn’t about him as much as it is about understanding the nature of addiction. The lap band surgery didn’t work for him. Because he never dealt with the triggers, the reasons for the weight gain. Most people don’t. That’s why the statistics are staggering for people who lose weight and don’t keep it off.
I’m working at a healthier life slowly because I want to seek and understand my triggers. What makes me want to overeat? What makes me want to eat unhealthy foods? What makes me want to buy a chocolate bar every time I’m in the checkout line at the grocery store? What makes me want to eat and eat and eat? What makes me feel less than? What makes me feel like I’m not pretty? Not beautiful?
Do you see the point? I need to look at these questions in order to understand why I have certain behaviors so that I can change them.
Changing those behaviors is key to successful recovery. To successfully stop negative behaviors and transmute them into healthier habits that help me create the kind of life I deserve.
Introspection is never easy. Self-reflection can feel raw, can cause pain, but it’s better to feel that angst than to dull it with food. Sometimes I feel an emptiness I can’t explain. I don’t expect others to fill it. I used to think they could. I used to think if this person did that, if that person did this it would make all the difference, it would make me feel better. But that’s allowing someone else’s behavior to determine my outlook, my mood.
Sometimes I want to overeat because that’s love. That’s where I used to find my life-preserver. Saved by a pack of oreos, the double-stuffed ones. They taste better anyways.
I understand. I have an awareness of the triggers that cause me to crave oreos or chocolate cake with buttercream frosting, or loads of French fries, and the list goes on………. Understanding doesn’t always breed success, but it helps.
I’m learning that yoga, that hiking, that watching stupid movies, that going to the movies, I’m learning that all those and more feel better. The key to creating a better life is understanding what makes you want to engage in negative behaviors and replacing them with life-affirming, with joyful activities.
Some days it’s like the Texas two-step: two steps forward, one step back, but the key is to keep moving forward. One moment at a time.
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsofaYogaPrincess