Today at while shopping at Trader Joe’s I bought myself deep pink roses just because. I saw the $4.99 price tag and thought to myself, “why not?” I’ve certainly spent that amount multiple times at Starbucks, for a sense pleasure that lasts maybe an hour at the most and doesn’t feed my soul the emotional nourishment it craves.
I have an addiction to food. For so many years that’s what I would turn to when I wanted to feel better, when I wanted to feel emotionally satiated. I miss that sometimes. I don’t always make the healthiest choices, but I’ve made much progress and find myself turning to creature comforts that fill my soul.
I didn’t need to have a reason to buy myself the roses. I wanted to, so I did. As soon as I arrived home, I put them in a pink fenton vase and placed them on my dining room table, where I’d be able to see them while sitting on my red couch, see them and feel their beauty.
Love yourself. I see that term so often. But what does it mean? I struggle with that some days. Today it meant I could buy myself roses for no reason. See? That’s part of the problem—thinking I had to do something, be somebody in order to bring beauty into my home, into my life. The truth is—I didn’t have to do something. It’s okay just to be. It’s okay to do something nice for myself just because.
That means I don’t have to have expectations of myself. I don’t have to think about how others might have expectations of me. I can just be. Be in beauty. It’s okay to just be.
Perhaps I’m not making the greatest sense here, but we live in a world of expectations, expectations of others and expectations of ourselves. That doesn’t have to be. I don’t have to do anything other than breathe and neither do you. So the next time you see $4.99 roses or your favorite sticky notes for $3.99 or whatever, buy it for yourself just because. You’re enough just the way you are. Just as I’m enough just the way I am.
Today I fed my soul rather than my demons and that feels more priceless than I could ever express with words. Feed your soul. Just because. You’re worth it and so am I.
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