Last week I said “No.” Not a spectacular word, a quite simple one really, yet not one I utter enough, until now. I have spent most of my life saying yes when I didn’t really mean it. I craved the approval of others more than I craved the approval of myself. In many ways I sold my hopes, my dreams, my peace in search of the approval of others.
Throughout the years, others have labeled me as “too emotional.” A truth? Maybe. At times yes. At other times no. It’s also a sad truth that people label women, strong women as “too emotional” when they’d likely never say that to a man. I am a strong woman. I am an emotional woman. I am a driven woman. I am a woman with hopes and dreams and aspirations and I’m working to make them happen.
Yet, I’ve also been stymied by my own need to fit into the parameters others set forth for me. The more I work toward my own self-realization, the more I can no longer be defined. Last week a friend asked me to work on a particular project. I’d been working on it for a while but certain changes and occurred, making it an unpleasant task to continue. Given that it wasn’t work related, no real harm would come of saying no, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say no. I needed my friend’s approval more than my own.
Then something happened. The minute I said yes, I knew I’d made a mistake. I could feel it in my soul. I couldn’t sleep for part of one night. I knew then that my mistake gave me a gift. A part of my soul felt free from the need for the approval of others. A couple of days later, I admitted my mistake to my friend and told him I could no longer participate in this particular venture.
Since that moment, I have felt, I feel a certain sense of freedom. I’ve started taking down Christmas decorations, going through things, spending time with myself. Mohadesa Najumi spoke an incredible truth when she said “the woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.” When we don’t need approval we are free to finally live our lives as we see fit, as our soul sees fit.
I may not be quite there yet, but I’m well on my way and I’m loving the feeling of fresh vibrant air flying through my hair and lifting my soaring soul to new heights!
To read Mohadesa Najumi’s article on women and validation, click on the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/mohadesa-najumi/ban-bossy-women-who-do-not-need-validation-are-feared_b_4971919.html
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