A couple of months ago I wrote a blog about my struggles with Standing Bow http://confessionsofahawaiianprincess.wordpress.com/2014/02/26/strength-through-vulnerability-nancy-does-standing-bow/
Today I share with you my evolving thoughts about the posture. On April 11th Leila Brewster of Leila Brewster Photography http://www.leilabrewsterphotography.com took photos of me doing yoga poses. She captured perfectly how I’m aiming to work on my Standing Bow. The series of pictures, located on my website: http://www.confessionsofayogaprincess.com/#!standingbow/c12ob show how my instructor helps me into the pose. You can see how Loren helps me grab my foot and then reach the full extent of the posture.
When I’m in the class, he does things differently. Loren helps me grab my foot. Then it’s up to me to find my balance. Some days I have it. Some days I don’t. Some days I have the strength to attempt the full expression of the pose. Some days I don’t.
When I struggle for balance, there’s almost always one key factor that leads me to lose my balance: I stop breathing. It’s as though my body, or my mind, feels as though I can more easily retain balance if I stop breathing. I have no idea how I developed that logic, but somehow I did. I’m finding it difficult to retrain my self, retrain my thinking. What is it about the fighting for balance that makes me want to hold my breath?
Thinking about that question makes me wonder if I hold my breath through all of life’s uneasy situations. I don’t mean this literally, of course. But inaction could, in a way be akin to holding my breath. When there is something I need to say to someone, but I’m not sure what or how to say it I put it off, sometimes. Not as much as I used to. Is there a small decision I want to make but I don’t? I’ve been a people pleaser all my life. It’s only been recently that I’ve been making choices for me, so there are literally times where I’ll think about whether or not people will be upset when I make choices just for me. I have to let go of that.
Struggling for balance, fighting for breath in Standing Bow teaches me that. I have to live in the now for me, and if people really love me they’ll be happy with whatever choice I make.
See? Yoga isn’t just about yoga. Yoga really is life. Love. Self-love.
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